Answers
by Fractured Dreams
Summary: Genma deals with the aftermath of his latest episode, and Raidou's answer. Fifth Part of the Unravelled Series. Shounen Ai, Genma x Raidou


**Disclaimer: **_I don't own Naruto. The concept nor the characters belong to me._

**Warnings: **_The usual- swearing, angst, shounen ai. Subjects which could offend some readers._

**_Fifth Part of the Unravelled series: _**Can be a stand alone, but I recommend that you read the other parts first.

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_**Answers**_

Raidou had another mission, but that was okay. He'd be home that afternoon, and had promised that they'd talk then, so Genma was satisfied.

The day had started showing signs of being trying from the moment he'd woken up. He was constantly searching for things to keep his mind off the impending discussion and ultimately, Raidou's answer. Genma was jittery and full of nervous tension, in desperate need of some kind of distraction, no matter how small.

That distraction came in the form of his older sister, Mika. His larger than life, stubborn, independent sister, who had always thought that Genma needed to be looked after, despite the fact that he was thirty years old and a grown man.

And being in recovery and somewhat dependent on others did nothing to aide him with his never-ending struggle with her for independence. Not one bit, he'd decided.

In some respects, she was rather like Raidou, but instead of using quiet logic and ever so subtle manipulation, she browbeat people into getting her way and doing what she wanted, and there was no stopping her until she'd achieved her goal. Most people didn't even bother to put up much of a fight anymore, besides him that was. He figured that someone needed to give her a challenge so that she didn't get too complacent with her power over everyone else.

She was rather notorious for her razor sharp tongue and her fiery temper. Mika was also very intelligent, and he had always respected that in her. He liked strong headed women, and he loved to provoke and argue with them more than anything.

'_Its a wonder that she's happily married with two children_,' he thought as he watched his young nephews playing together in the yard.

Genma loved his sister dearly, and the only reason that he put up with her fussing over him was because she'd been distraught and sick with worry when he'd been injured. Despite her tough exterior, she was surprisingly soft hearted ( but woe and betide anyone who let that get out.)

Genma leant back further into the deck chair that he was occupying on the back porch, as the sounds of the boys play washed over him. He loved his nephews fiercely. In fact, he loved kids and they loved him, but he'd never wanted any of his own. It was too much responsibility for him, and he loved his work too much to devote the time that children needed and deserved. He was openly bi-sexual, so it wouldn't have presented any trouble for him if he'd wanted any, but he didn't want to be responsible for screwing up another life, especially if it was a child's. He wouldn't corrupt another with his bad habits.

Genma was feeling ill and weak, no doubt because of yesterdays seizure, so Mika had settled him in the warm sunlight and had left to get them tea.

She returned then, carrying a laden tray and he watched as she set it down between the deck chairs and sat back down on her own chair.

"You look like shit Genma," she told him.

He pulled a face; that was his sister. Always brutally honest and blunt.

"Why thank you dear sister," he replied dryly. "I must say that you look lovely today as well."

"I thought they said that you were practically healed," she continued, completely ignoring him.

Genma reached across and tugged a strand of her wild, mousy brown hair.

They were complete opposites in everything. He was tall, she was short. He loved the shinobi way, whereas she couldn't see the point of putting yourself in harms way to protect an already safe village. He liked to live each day as it came, and she liked to plan things down to the smallest details. It was funny how siblings could be so drastically different.

"Worried, sister-mine? And here I thought you were made of solid stone," he teased with a smile.

She gave him a flat stare, refusing to rise to the bait, and waited for an explanation. Genma sighed.

"I had a seizure last night."

"I thought so. Were you hurt?"

"I wasn't alone. I was with friends."

"But do they..."she persisted, and he rolled his eyes.

"And Raidou," he interrupted.

"Ah." That seemed to placate her.

Raidou had been his friend throughout his childhood, and as a result he knew Mika well. After all, it had been her who had often beat them into submission, or putting them in their place when they were younger and always getting into the trouble that children always did.

"Well, at least _he_ knows what he's doing. How is he anyway?"

Genma shrugged uncomfortably, not wanting to discuss such a tender and shaky topic with his sister just yet.

"So nothings happened yet?" she asked shrewdly.

She'd had suspicions about Genma's feelings for Raidou for awhile, and when he'd gone to her and finally confessed everything, she had been the level and logical head that he'd needed to deal with the situation. She had told him sternly that he shouldn't rush into anything with Raidou, and that he shouldn't confess until he was sure that Raidou would be receptive to the idea.

He'd agreed with her too, but then (as usual) he'd gone against his decision in a moment of irrationality, and that idea had gone to hell in a hand basket. Mika had had no sympathy for him when she'd originally learned about what he'd done, but when she'd seen how torn up about it he was she had relented and left off the verbal abuse, at least until he wasn't hurting so badly.

"Not yet," he answered slowly. "We're going to talk. This afternoon."

"Well, you'll finally have an answer at last," she offered, obviously trying to pull him out of his bleak mood.

"Yeah."

But what would it be? That was the real question, and the answer was still unclear to him. Genma hated being so unsure all the time, as he was a usually confident and self-assured person.

It was nearing midday when Genma entered the Hokage tower, which was buzzing with activity. Officials and shinobi alike gave him room to maneuver himself awkwardly down the hallways and it both relieved and annoyed him. Although he was still feeling weak, he was an expert at getting around on the crutches now. Sometimes, he could even walk for awhile without them which was something that filled him with a great sense of relief and reassured him of his progress.

The Anbu guarding the Hokage's door nodded at him and signalled for him to wait, so he leant against the opposite wall and rested. From inside the office he could hear the low rise and fall of conversation, but he couldn't hear anything that was being said.

A few moments later the door opened and a bored looking Kakashi emerged with a grinning Gai right behind him.

"GENMA! MAY ETERNAL HOPE AND STRENGTH INFUSE YOU ON THE ROAD TO RECOVERY!" Gai exclaimed upon seeing him, and he immediately fell into the nice guy pose.

He hid a smirk at Kakashi's raised eyebrow.

"Hey Gai. Howz'it?"

"WONDERFUL!SUCH A BEAUTIFUL DAY INVOIGORATES THE SOUL AND REFRESHES THE BODY! I MUST BE OFF! LEE IS AWAITING MY ARRIVAL!"

And with that, the green clad, spandexed man sped off.

"Excitable, isn't he?" Genma smirked.

"You have no idea," Kakashi grumbled as he pulled out the familiar orange book. "You're looking better. Out by yourself I see?"

"I've been given a free rein for the day. I'd better go. The Hokage is waiting for me."

"Later."

Kakashi slouched off down the hall, his nose buried in his book, and Genma picked up his crutches and entered the office slowly.

"Ah, Genma. I was wondering when you'd show up," Tsunade greeted him. "Have a seat."

Genma sat carefully in one of the chairs facing the Hokage's disorganised desk and watched as she wrote something on a document.

After a few minutes of watching her write and grumble under her breath, she finally threw her pen down and collapsed back in her chair, appraising him carefully.

"Still having seizures then?" she asked eventually.

"Not so often anymore. Only one or two every couple of weeks."

"And the pain? Any headaches, migraines? Fatigue?"

"Pain's not so bad anymore. I still get headaches and fatigue though."

Genma had learned that there was no use in lying to Tsunade and trying to hide how he was really feeling because she was smart enough to know what was true and what wasn't when it came to anything medical.

"Uh huh." She stood up and went to stand in front of him. Green healing chakra gathered around her hands and she lay them on his chest. Genma closed his eyes as she did and welcomed the cool and soothing flow of her shadowed chakra with relief. The foreign chakra chased away all signs of the heavy weakness that was residing in his limbs, and the tightness behind his eyes lessened drastically.

Tsunade drew back and he opened his eyes. She looked thoughtful as she returned to her seat.

"You're reserves are a little depleted, so you need to take it easy with the walking for the next few days. But you're still improving at a steady rate. I'm going to start reducing the amount of medication you're taking, start weaning you off them. There will be side effects of course," she told him as she wrote something in his medical file.

"What kind of side effects?" he asked immediately.

"Some insomnia, anxiety, nausea. That kind of thing."

"Sounds like a laugh," he muttered.

She put her pen down again and looked at him with her piercing golden eyes.

"I know that this must be frustrating for you. But you must realize that if you go ahead and rush things, the odds are that you'll land yourself back in hospital again, and you'll ruin any chances that you have of making a full recovery."

"I know, I know," he shifted uncomfortably.

It wasn't as if he hadn't heard it all before, but that didn't make him like what she said any better than he already did.

"So. We'll see how you are in another week, and after that it's probable that you'll be able to start a course at the hospital."

"What kind of course?" Genma asked suspiciously.

"It's a physical therapy course in the recovery unit there."

"And what would it involve?"

"Physical workouts twice a week, aimed at rebuilding strength and endurance levels. After you complete the course to my satisfaction, you'll be able to begin some light training."

Genma brightened immediately when he heard this. Training! Which meant that he'd be able to start taking missions again after that.

"Under supervision of course," she said with a note of warning in her voice. "I'll personally be making sure that you don't overwork yourself and wear yourself down. I've worked too long and hard on you to have it wasted."

"As if I would," he muttered grumpily.

But he had to admire the logic in her decision. Finally! He was close to resuming missions again. He needed to do something, and he had the satisfaction of knowing that his patience had paid off.

"Tomorrow I want you down at the hospital for a full physical," she said returning her attention to the documents in front of her. "You may go."

"Thank you Hokage-sama," Genma murmured with a respectful bow of his head.

Her only reply was a distracted nod of her head, and Genma left feeling more optimistic than he had been when he'd first entered her office.

An hour later and Genma was lounging in an armchair in a warm patch of sunlight as he flipped through a magazine idly. It had been a vaguely satisfying day after all, despite the fact that Raidou was on his mind first and foremost. It was the ending that was uncertain, but that would be resolved soon enough, hopefully. The pit of nervousness that had become his stomach was worsening. He was so tense, and his heart pounded whenever he began to think about the impending conversation.

He needed to know so desperately. Raidou was at the centre of his heart, and no matter what the outcome was, he always would be. Genma was optimistic though, for he had felt the way Raidou had responded to their kiss yesterday morning, he had felt the way he'd wanted Genma's touch, his kiss so badly, almost as badly as Genma needed his.

Realizing that he'd been reading the same line for the last five minutes he tossed the magazine onto the coffee table in front of him, and leaned his head back. The warm afternoon sun warmed his face and he closed his eyes, enjoying it. Raidou was in his head, in every thought that crossed his mind and that was fine with him.

It wasn't long before he drifted off to sleep.

_The night air was cool on Genma's skin, the moonlight bright enough to see by. He was back in the familiar corridor once again, with the same door waiting before him in the shadowed hallway. This time though, golden light was spilling from the cracks, inviting him to come closer._

_Slightly confused, he began to make his way down the dark hallway, towards whatever mystery waited for him behind the closed door. He avoided all the memorized traps expertly, stepping lightly over each and every trip wire and keeping to the shadows out of old habit._

_For a moment he stood before the door without moving and listened for any noise that might give away what was waiting for him. Something inside of him was urging him to open the door, telling him that whatever it was waiting for him couldn't possibly be bad._

_Once more, he neutralized the contact poison coating the door handle and peeled back the exploding notes slowly and precisely as he'd been taught many years ago._

_With his hand on the handle, he took a deep breath and opened the door._

_He was instantly blinded by the golden light that exploded from within, and he threw up an arm to shield his eyes as they slowly adjusted to the bright light. Genma blinked and lowered his arm, looking around._

_Rippling, white gauze curtains billowed gently in the soft breeze that wafted through a pair of open doors. Items of clothing were littered the floor and Genma raised his eyes to the large double bed that dominated the room. Everything was white- white sheets, white pillows, white curtains tied to each corner of the poster bed._

_And lying in the middle of that bed, with the sheets draped exotically over him was Raidou._

_Genma swallowed convulsively and stopped breathing, his mouth suddenly dry and his heart trying to force itself out of his chest._

_It was the most enchanting and mesmerizing sight that had ever greeted his tired eyes._

_Blissfully asleep, Raidou's face was the picture of innocence, turned away from him Genma. Golden light bathed his body, making his skin seem iridescent. His chest was bared to the air, revealing his wonderfully muscled and broad chest; one arm lay on the pillow next to his head, the other was draped across his stomach. The sheet covered most of his lower half, but one bent leg was visible, telling him that Raidou was gloriously naked beneath the scanty cover of the sheet._

_The burn scars on his cheek only seemed to enhance Raidou's humanity, and his wonderful beauty even more in Genma's eyes._

_It was, Genma thought as he stood there, the most pleasant of dreams._

"Genma," a voice whispered. "Wake up."

He came out of sleep in an instant, awareness jolting him back into the world of the living. Raidou straightened up smiling.

"You must be getting old, falling asleep in your armchair like that," Raidou teased fondly.

Genma rubbed the sleep from his eyes and sat up a bit.

"Must be," he agreed with a smile. "What time is it?"

"Almost five."

Genma looked up at Raidou. He had recently showered and dressed in a pair of old and worn out jounin trousers and an equally old sweatshirt. His hair was damp and his skin was glowing from the heat of his shower. Genma swallowed as he remembered the dream he had just woken from, and he felt heat rush to his groin, and he closed his eyes momentarily to force back the waves of desire that were threatening.

"How was the mission?" he asked to distract himself.

"It went well. An escort mission today. Nothing really interesting," Raidou answered as he made his way to the small kitchen.

"Hmmm," Genma shivered. He was dressed only in a pair of thin cotton house pants and a white tank top, and he was beginning to feel the evening chill as the last of the suns rays disappeared.

Raidou rejoined him a few moments later, carrying two steaming mugs. A cup of coffee for himself and a herbal tea for Genma. Tsunade had made it very clear that he was banned from caffeine, alcohol, cigarettes, or recreational drugs of any kind while he was on medication. He wasn't much of a smoker, but he missed coffee dearly and his missed getting shit faced with all of his friends on a regular basis.

He accepted the tea gratefully though, wrapping his hands around the hot mug.

"Thanks."

"Tired?" Raidou asked sympathetically.

"A little. It was a busy day," he admitted as Raidou sat in the chair next to him.

"What did you do?"

"Went and visited Mika and the boys."

"How is she?" Raidou asked with a smile, knowing what his sister was like.

"As controlling as ever. And twice as annoying. But she's doing well. The boys are growing up fast."

"I can imagine. Kids have a habit of doing that."

"Mika says they're entering the academy next year," Genma said, unable to keep the hint of pride out of his voice. Raidou caught on and smiled.

"Really? I would've thought that she wouldn't let them, considering how she is about you and your dad."

"Apparently they insisted and Tomo supported the idea."

"How is he anyway?"

"He's doing well. His shops reaping in money. And he's started to design a new line of weaponry especially for close combat fighters," Genma replied. "Anyway, she caved in the end, but only after she made sure that they knew exactly what they were getting themselves into."

"She would have made an excellent shinobi," Raidou said thoughtfully. "I've always thought she would."

"I know. I never really understood why she's so against it."

"Neither did I."

For awhile they sat together, just enjoying the peace that had fallen over the apartment and each others company. Genma felt that they both knew what they had to talk about, but neither of them was going to rush into the subject. They just sat and talked about little things, like how their days had been, and Genma was satisfied with that. After all, it was one of the things he loved about Riadou. They could sit and talk for hours about nothing and everything, and they never ran out of things to say. Raidou was a great talker, and an even better listener, and Genma loved just being in Raidou's company.

"What else did you do?" Raidou asked after awhile.

Genma took another sip of his tea and grimaced slightly at the taste and hearing Raidou chuckle.

"I paid Tsunade a visit."

Raidou sat up straighter, eager for news.

"What did she say?"

"Well," he paused and deliberately took a long sip from his cup, grinning when Raidou scowled.

"C'mon you prick! Tell me!"

"Alright, Alright! She gave me the usual lecture about not wearing myself out and blah blah blah..."

"You know she's right," Raidou pointed out.

"Yeah yeah. Anyway, she said that she's going to start reducing my medication in a week or so..."

Genma continued on to tell him all that Tsunade had said. He revelled in Raidou's excitement and his happiness. His spirits lifted immensely and he basked in the warmth of Raidou's smile, overjoyed to see a part of the old, unburdened and uninhibited Raidou return. At moments such as those it felt like the old days when everything was as it should be. When there was no uncertainty and awkwardness, and no words that were left unsaid between them.

"I always said you'd make it didn't I?" Raidou smiled. "I knew you could do it, and look how far you've come."

"Because of you, Raidou. I couldn't have done it without you," Genma said quietly.

He watched sadly as the smile left Raidou's face as he'd known it would. He watched Raidou as Raidou watched him for a long moment.

"That's not true. You could have if you'd wanted to. You're stronger than you think you are, Genma, and you've never given yourself as much credit as you deserve."

"Yeah well," Genma shifted in his chair and shrugged as he looked down at the cup in his hands.

He looked up uncertainly when Raidou set his cup down and moved to sit on the coffee table in front of Genma. This was it; the moment when all would be bared and all would be revealed.

"Genma," Raidou began in a voice which was too calm. "These last few months have been hard for us both, and you've somehow managed to open my eyes to things I've never known before. We've been friends for a long time, and yet you still managed to surprise me. You know I love you like family. You mean more to me than anything."

Genma jumped when Raidou took his hands, but he welcomed the contact immediately, entwining their fingers and hoping to give Raidou the strength he needed to say what he needed to.

"Watching you struggle to get better, I couldn't help but respect you even more. I'm proud of how far you've come Genma, I really am. And i do love you," Raidou paused to take a deep, shaking breath and to steady himself. "But I don't think that we can be together. As lovers."

Genma stiffened, feeling his body go numb as he struggle to comprehend what he was hearing, and he stared numbly at their hands, completely still.

Raidou was...rejecting him?

"You must understand Genma, that it's not because of anything that you've done or said. It's not because of who you are, but because of who I am. I'm not ready for a relationship. I'm not sure if I ever will be. I guess I'm not made that way."

Genma looked up into Raidou's face and saw that he was struggling not to cry as he spoke the words that he didn't want to hear.

The pain was everything he'd imagined that it would be, and so much more. It scoured through his body like a hot desert sand storm, constricting his heart and throat until he could hardly breathe.

He...Raidou didn't want him. Raidou didn't love him...

It had been a farfetched hope to begin with. A distant dream with no chance of becoming a reality.

But still, it hurt more than anything else he'd ever experienced, and it was almost exquisite in it's bitterness.

Raidou wouldn't be his. And he wouldn't be Raidou's.

"I'm sorry Genny-chan." The use of his childhood nick name made him start. "I'm so sorry. I never wanted to hurt you so badly, believe me."

Raidou was half sobbing as he spoke and tears began to course down his face.

Somehow, Genma forced his mouth to work, although it was as if someone else was speaking for him, using his voice, his mouth to speak.

"I believe you."

It felt like someone had managed to rip his heart, his soul, and everything that made him Genma out of his body, leaving only an empty shell, a skin full of pain and depression in its wake.

It didn't feel real yet, but he had no doubts that it would, soon. No tears cam e to Genma's eyes. His pain went too deep for that.

With a hand that trembled ever so slightly, he reached out and touched Raidou's tear wet cheek.

"I don't want to lose you because of this Genma. I need you in my life. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Please forgive me," Raidou sobbed.

Somehow, Genma found himself in Raidou's arms, sliding bonelessly off the chair and onto the floor, wrapped in Raidou's sorrow-ridden embrace.

"There's nothing to forgive, Raidou. You've made your choice and I'll respect your decision. You'll still be my closest friend." Genma managed to say somehow. It was the truth, but never had anything been so hard to say before.

Raidou wrapped his arms around Genma, and he began to shiver. A cheek was rested on his hair as he returned the embrace, accepting the comfort and the silent apology and marvelling at the new sorrow that they both shared. He felt disjointed from reality somehow, and yet Raidou's arms kept him anchored in the present.

"You'll get over me Genma. One day you'll find the person who can give you all the love you deserve," Raidou whispered in a thick voice that quavered.

"I won't. I can't. There's only you, Raidou."

"Don't say that. Please don't say that."

Genma was silent for a moment as it all began to sink in.

"I love you," he whispered brokenly.

"I know."

For a long time they sat on the floor, entwined together. Genma was surprisingly calm and quiet, even as every fibre of his being throbbed with pain, and Raidou sat with tears falling silently and falling into Genma's hair.

It was completely dark in the apartment save for the moonlight that was streaming through the windows.

Eventually Raidou loosened his hold on Genma and sat back a bit.

"I should make some dinner," he said as he made a visible effort to pull himself back together.

Genma used the armchair to get slowly to his feet.

"I'm not really hungry at the moment."

"But Genma..."

"I think I'll go and lie down for a bit," Genma said calmly as he began to walk unaided to his room. He could feel the tears threatening and he didn't want to break down in front of Raidou and cause him anymore pain than he already felt.

"I'll be okay, Raidou. I'll let you know if I need anything."

He heard Raidou get to his feet and the room was flooded with light he turned a lamp on.

"I am truly sorry Genma," Raidou whispered sadly.

Genma turned slightly to look at Raidou and managed a small, tight smile for his benefit.

"I know, Raidou. And I don't hate you for it. I don't blame you for not being in love with me. It's not something that can be forced and I'm not going to go anywhere just because you don't feel the same way as I do. I'm not going to leave you."

He let his words hang between them for a moment, letting Raidou absorb the honesty that was in his words.

"I just need some time alone right now. I hope you can understand that."

"Of course."

Genma nodded and went into his room, closing the door quietly behind him and stumbling over to sit on his bed. For a long time he just sat there with his hands on his knees as he tried to come to terms with what had just happened. He could hear Raidou moving around quietly beyond his bedroom door, and for a few, sweet moments, it was as if nothing had changed, as if it was just another normal night for them. But it would never be as it was, and he hated himself for asking for an answer yesterday. He had condemned himself to this pain; it was all of his own doing, and there was no escaping the consequences this time.

After half an hour, he stripped off his clothes and got into his bed, pulling the covers up high around his shivering body.

Genma didn't sleep that night.

* * *

Sighs And there you have it peoples. We're nearing the end of our little saga, and i hope you weren't disappointed by this one.

Oh, and by the way, there are one or two words used in this fic that aparently aren't even real words. But mine sounded better, so i used them anyway! See if you can spot the ones! And incase there's any confusion, Genma is the supposed seme in this little story arc, but i think later on i'll make their roles interchangable if you know what i mean. But Genma is predominately the seme whereas Raidou is the uke. Or whatever.

There is one more story after this one, i think. Maybe two. I'm not sure yet. It all depends on what you think!

Moving on, thanks for reading! i hope it wasn't too cliched and crappy for you!

Click that little button below and leave a review on you way out! Just to show how much you love me!


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